1435More stories should begin with the phrase “I was in a kebab shop, with my sister really drunk,” don’t you think? While awaiting their order our subject’s sister spotted the halal sign, denoting that the meat would be suitable for Muslims (a common feature in many of Britain’s takeaways).

Sadly, as our subject explains in her audio clip, her sister thought it meant something else. “I didn’t have the heart to tell her,” she confesses, so The Sister is still none the wiser. Taken at the E4 Udderbelly event on the Southbank, London.